Pushing Back

My hands are stained with ink from the previous mornings writing. I have pulled out my quill and old world papers. I used to love writing notes about life to friends and family near and far. It has been on my list, but I have been getting distracted and honestly it just takes time: from the quill to balancing ink levels manually to melting the wave to seal.

This morning it is was hard to rise, I am an hour late from my usual time. But I press on, it is amazing that despite the routine there is still a desire to say in bed to forgot the track and get sidetracked. My brain is tired from the resistance I found trying to do the things I love. There is a great deal of irony, where one must continuously overcome the battles with the self.

This is the year that I will not give in to that tempting offer and decide it's far easier to just give in. Sometimes, we have to break things in order to make them work within ourselves. I must understand that rationalization is just a lie, and that I am not better for forgetting about it. Instead, doing this one small step every day is the most essential part of a longer journey toward my life’s work.

During the pandemic I used to spend my days in this beautiful historic estate called Madison house. It is a magical place owned by Dr. Paul. I dream of lovely environments in my mind that I design into life. I am wearing the Elsa Fitzgerald Made in Baltimore suit. I imagine having a library room just as this one with a room full of all my beautiful fashion and textile books to review as I study on my PhD.

Here we have my letter writing set-up. I have domestic and international stamps on hand for the global travels these lovely letters will explore. It is far slower than a normal pen to paper. That part does not bother me, but it is a matter of making the time for the entire set-up. That is ok for I still waiting on a custom wax seal to press the letters closed.

These painting with lace dresses never made any sense from a commercial perspective. Yet from the moment I started making them I had to trust what they would become. This photo by Pat Bourque was featured in the BBC news article about my Kebaya inspired work. They even noted the element of my Indonesian heritage and my great grandmother a village dressmaker.

The concept of the Fashion Innovation Hub actually came during my days of giving talks at the University of Baltimore. I began to realize I was teaching something different than what I had learned in fashion school and in the industry. Many years later I am building the Fashion Innovation Hub online learning platform and programming to empower impact-driven fashion founders around the world. I am struggling a bit with working on a new technology platform system, but whenever I am doubting I remind myself how many entrepreneurs I can help if I stick with it and so I move forward morning by morning.